Lindsay Knake is a brand journalist for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan.
How to Avoid Self-Sabotage
3 min read
At some point in your life, you’ve probably experienced the feeling of dread that led you to delay starting a new project or scheduled other tasks so you didn’t have to start working toward a bigger, more important goal.
This is self-sabotage. Let’s look at what it is, why you do it and steps you can take to stop.
What is self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is a typically unconscious effort to avoid failure or discomfort, causing us to act against our long-term goals. Unfortunately, this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Self-sabotage can show up as:
- Procrastination
- Negative self-talk
- Avoidance
- Busyness and overcommitment
So why do we get in our own way? Common reasons for self-sabotage include:
- Fear of failure
- Perfectionism
- Low self-esteem
- Overwhelm and tiredness
Identifying feelings underneath
If you have a big project at work, for example, you may put it off and focus on other tasks to avoid getting started. The feelings underneath, however, can show what’s really going on. Perhaps you are overwhelmed by the size of the project, or you’re worried you aren’t up to the task.
Self-sabotage can limit personal growth and get in the way of our relationships, too. Getting in your own way doesn’t mean you are lazy or not good enough. Difficult emotions have a real effect on our lives and actions.
How to stop self-sabotage
Putting an end to self-sabotage takes some reflection to recognize our patterns of behavior. Think of a goal you’re struggling with or where you have struggled in the past. Think about the feelings you had when you struggled. Were you afraid your work wouldn’t be good enough? Were you so tired you didn’t know where to get started? You may ask yourself if your fears are likely to come true or if it is a story you’ve made up.
Talking to your trusted loved ones or a mental health professional may also help you dig into why you experience these emotions.
Acceptance
The next step is to accept the reasons are you self-sabotaging without self-judgment. Don’t pile on with self-criticism, but rather give yourself compassion. If it helps, talk to yourself like you would a loved one. From here, move forward with curiosity.
Adjust your goals
We may have often heard phrases such as “go big or go home” or “do things that scare you.” This can lead us to create audacious goals and fear of setting the bar too low. However, it’s OK to readjust. Perhaps a goal that gets you only a little outside of your comfort zone is a better place to start. In your personal life, adjust your expectations and create goals that are challenging but not impossible.
While goals at work may not be entirely in your control, you can break your goals into smaller, achievable steps. This can help reduce feelings of overwhelm.
Focus on the process
Focus on the process rather than outcomes if possible. We all have important outcomes in our lives, whether at work or raising kids, for example. But you don’t have to stay focused on the outcome all the time. Instead, focus on the steps to completing a project rather than on the expected outcome. You can check in on the overall progress and whether you are on track regularly, but it doesn’t have to be your daily focus.
If you can, give yourself permission to fail or permission to not be perfect the first time. Sometimes that can free you up to take chances or get started. At work, you could give yourself permission to make an imperfect first draft. From there, you can edit and improve.
It may take time and repeated efforts to change your behavioral patterns, so keep reflecting, stay compassionate toward yourself and keep learning.
Image: Getty Images
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