How to Approach Loved Ones About Memory and Cognitive Health
Dr. Namita Yende
| 4 min read
Key Takeaways
- Early signs of dementia—such as short‑term memory loss, difficulty with familiar tasks, mood changes and trouble planning—should be watched for, because prompt medical evaluation can slow decline.
- When discussing memory concerns, caregivers should choose a calm, private setting, speak with compassion, focus on the loved one’s well‑being and suggest a physician visit as a step toward maintaining independence.
- Supporting brain health with a nutritious MIND diet, regular exercise, mental‑stimulation activities, adequate sleep and reduced alcohol, while also caring for the caregiver’s own needs, can help manage cognitive changes.
More than 40 million American families care for an aging loved one, and memory loss and cognitive issues can be among the common health challenges.
Earlier intervention is critical to preserving memory and independence, but a discussion can be emotional and draining. Learn more about recognizing early signs of memory loss and some steps to approaching a loved one about their health.
Early signs of memory loss and cognitive health decline
Some memory loss is a normal part of aging, but dementia is not. Dementia can cause both memory loss and changes in behavior that interfere with daily functioning and independence.
If family members notice some changes, it can help to start by learning more about signs of dementia and observe whether memory loss or cognitive changes could be from medication side effects, depression, dehydration or another health condition, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Symptoms of dementia include:
- Short-term memory loss
- Difficulty doing things that should be familiar
- Difficulty with vocabulary or keeping up with a conversation
- Frequently misplacing things
- Mood changes
- Problems with vision, spatial awareness and judging distance
- Trouble with problem-solving or planning things in advance
- Withdrawing from social life
Family members may want to discuss these changes without their loved one present to share observations.
The caretaker could also discuss their loved one’s symptoms and how to approach an older adult about memory loss with a geriatric physician who can provide guidance and support.
How to approach a loved one about memory loss
If family members believe it’s time for a conversation, they should determine who should broach the topic with the loved one with memory problems, according to the Alzheimer's Association. It may be easier to have a one-on-one discussion rather than a group one. Patience, compassion and a calm demeanor are all key when engaging in the conversation.
Starting the conversation
Caregivers can start the conversation by being calm and compassionate and talking in a place where their loved one is comfortable. They can note changes they see and how they are concerned for their loved one’s health. The caregiver can share the perspective of wanting to make things better, not only finding health problems.
Focusing on the positive part of discussing possible health problems and plans can help. It could be helpful to suggest talking to a physician as early treatment can help prevent or ease more serious health problems. Having a goal of helping the loved one stay in their home or start medications that could help them maintain memory and cognitive function could ease the conversation.
Handling difficult emotions
Cognitive changes in older adults can be a difficult and sensitive topic some people may not want to face. Denial, anxiety and frustration are common reactions to discussions about memory loss. If the loved one becomes upset or agitated, it may be best to take a break from the conversation and note what triggered the emotion.
An example of a response is: “I love you very much, and I am worried about you. I see this is upsetting to you, and that makes sense. I’d probably feel that way, too. Why don’t we take a break today?”
Help with changes
While some medications may help, making lifestyle changes to support brain health can help slow the progress of memory loss or cognitive decline.
Caregivers can help their loved one with:
- Eating a nutritious diet, such as the MIND diet
- Exercising regularly
- Doing brain exercises and puzzles
- Staying social
- Getting enough sleep
- Stopping or reducing alcohol consumption
A caregiver may also consider working with their loved one to create a long-term health plan.
A physician may offer further guidance about moving forward if there are serious memory or cognitive problems. The Alzheimer’s Association also offers resources — both online and locally — about living with and treating dementia.
Caregivers shouldn’t forget to take care of themselves. The Alzheimer’s Association offers a 24/7 help line for caregivers at 1-800-272-3900.
Dr. Namita Yende is a senior medical director and associate CMO with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan. For more health tips and information, visit A HealtherMichigan.org.
Image: Getty Images
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