What a Singer's Canceled Tour Taught Me About My Chronic People-Pleasing
Monica Drake
| 3 min read
I have stayed in a relationship that brought out the worst in me because I didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings.
I have stayed at a job that poorly affected my mental health because I didn't want to let people down.
And I have made too many plans – running myself ragged – just because I didn't want to tell anyone "no."
That's because I have a compulsive fear of letting anyone down. But recently, singer Colter Wall did something that inspired me to change my mindset.
I was supposed to go to his show at the Fox Theater recently with my husband. And I was really excited about it. If you know me, you know I'm not a big country music fan, so it says a lot that I was excited about this concert, even buying my first pair of cowboy boots for the occasion.
Colter is one of the only current country artists I like, reminiscent of classic country, like Johnny Cash. But, two days before the show that we'd been looking forward to since Christmas, I opened Instagram and my stomach sank.
Colter had posted: "I am mentally unwell. Despite this, I have pushed myself to continue with touring. As a result, my mental health has only further declined. After discussions with my team, we have decided to cancel the remaining shows and take an indefinite hiatus from live music."
Yes, I was disappointed, especially since my husband and I missed the last two concerts we were supposed to go to – one because I had just given birth and the other because the power went out at the stadium.
Then I realized how selfish I was being.
When I took a step back, Colter's actions actually put things into perspective for me. He said "no," to all his remaining tour dates, effectively disappointing thousands of people – all so he could take care of his own mental health.
Yet, I'm afraid of disappointing only one or two people. It made me realize my stakes are much smaller than his. If Colter can prioritize his mental health over thousands, then I can prioritize my mental health over disappointing a couple people. His actions gave me the permission I needed to let myself off the hook.
After all, fans will get over a cancelled show, friends will get over canceled plans and a significant other will get over the end of a relationship. But it’s not as easy for me to get over the toll it takes on my mind and body when I constantly put my own needs last.
This is the only life we get, and I’m the only one who can prioritize my own well-being. No one else will do it for me. Moving forward, I am reminding myself that temporarily letting others down is worth my long-term mental health, just like it is for Colter.
Image: Courtesy of Monica Drake
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