Benefits of Adult Timeouts

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About the Show
On this episode, Chuck Gaidica is joined by Medical Director of Behavioral Health for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, Dr. Kristyn Gregory. Together, they discuss how taking adult timeouts can be beneficial to our wellbeing.
In this episode of A Healthier Michigan Podcast, we explore:
  • What are adult timeouts
  • How these timeouts help reassesses priorities and manage energy efficiently
  • Strategies to employ during timeouts to promote relaxation
  • Practical steps to incorporate adult timeouts into ones daily routine

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Transcript
Chuck Gaidica:
This is A Healthier Michigan podcast, episode 162. And coming up, we discuss the benefits of adult timeouts.
Welcome to A Healthier Michigan podcast. It's a podcast dedicated to navigating how we can improve our health and well-being through small, healthy habits we can start implementing right now. I'm your host, Chuck Gaidica, and every other week we'll sit down with a certified expert and we discuss topics covering nutrition, fitness and more. And on this episode, we're going into how timeouts can help us relax and recharge. With me today is Medical director of Behavioral Health for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, Dr. Kristyn Gregory.
Good to see you, doctor.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Good to see you too, Chuck.

Chuck Gaidica:
When I saw the title of our episode, I thought, this is perfect. You can write a prescription so my wife can put me in the corner and tell me to sit there for a while. But that's not really what we're talking about, right? It's not really that. It really focuses on what we all experience either in waves or maybe it's just all the time, life. It is full of hustle and bustle, and it doesn't really matter if you're single, married, young, old, you've got three kids, no kids. Life just seems to get busier and busier, or we allow it to, with each passing day and between family life and work and daily responsibilities and dings on the iPhone, whatever it is, it's important that we take breaks now and then again to give ourselves maybe some breathing space. So much time in our lives is focused on taking care of others, especially if you've got kids or grandkids, and sometimes you're a caregiver. There's that. It can be easy, I think, to forget about taking time for ourselves. So could giving ourselves adult timeouts be beneficial to our well-being? Are they?

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Yeah, they are actually. So a timeout, it's just removing yourself from a situation, triggering situation or a situation where you might be getting too much input. It is just giving you a little time to gain a clearer perspective, maybe cool off, especially if emotions are riding high, it's more difficult to communicate. You become less clear. Definitely from my own standpoint, if I'm too hot, it's the less healthy dialogue that I have with other people, including self-dialogue. So taking that time to calm yourself can really open up that door to re-enter something more productively.

Chuck Gaidica:
And I mentioned a lot of things that relate to the word busyness, so we can all be really busy, but for some, this may not be a busy thing. This may be very much, I don't know, in their own context, your own context, you may feel busy or overwhelmed, and if somebody's peeking in the window, they may think, "Well, what's going on?" You're not at work, you're working from home. I don't know how it gets any easier. And yet that doesn't mean that you can't need to find time for yourself and get a timeout.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Exactly, yep. It's a time for you to hit pause basically on stress, worry, sadness, anger, whatever you have going on internally. It's a pause button.

Chuck Gaidica:
Yeah. Has this phrase, adult time out, been something that's creeping in? Has it been around for a while, or is it just me? It seems like it's a newer idea. You said hit pause. I think I would rather use that phrase. It would just seem-

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Yeah. And that's the phrase that I'm used to hearing, because when you first hear about this, you think of kids and you think at a visit is a punishment. If you don't do what you're supposed to do, you're going to go to time out. But really, it's the same for kids too. It's an opportunity to hit pause on a situation that might be escalating. So I don't know if it's a new concept. It's definitely a different thing to call it.

Chuck Gaidica:
So individuals can sit down, catch their breath. This could even imply physical things that you're doing, breathing exercises, et cetera. But you're suggesting that we also reassess maybe priorities or reassess what's going on in life, what's leading us up to this moment where we're feeling overwhelmed?

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Or if you're in a situation, an email is an easy example. So if you read an email and you feel that click of anger, instead of reacting and firing off something back, you can take a time out, 10, 15 minutes and go back and reread the email after you've calmed down some. The saying, time heals all? It's true. So it just involves making that conscious choice to put your attention on something else besides whatever might be provoking you. And for a few minutes to do something completely unrelated. It could be something mindless, like going and surfing the web or playing a video game or doing push-ups, whatever relaxes you.

Chuck Gaidica:
Yeah, that's interesting. That idea of physical activity, I think in a world where a lot of people are working from home, and it doesn't mean that this is the only time it applies, but we've got that ability to, I do it myself. When I'm on a phone call, I often go for a walk inside my house. It just takes the, it's not because it's a divisive call, it gives me a way to relax, plus I'm getting steps.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Yeah. You're a pacer like me, Chuck. I love it.

Chuck Gaidica:
Yeah. Are you? Yeah. Yeah. And I know I'm a multi-tasker, so that's part of it. I kind of enjoy going, "Oh, I just took an important call and I put 1600 steps on my phone." So can you discuss strategies that individuals can employ during these pauses or times out that we can promote relaxation and even rejuvenation?

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Sure. One of them is quiet, too much noise that can really confuse things in our mind, and it can increase your anxiety if you have too many things going on at once. For example, every time I hear my dogs in the background, it heightens my anxiety right now. So getting away from that noise, it can be a really good way to stop that overwhelming feeling. As well as relaxation techniques, like you had mentioned before, deep breathing, noticing your five senses and naming something you see, hear, taste, smell, feel. That is a great way to ground yourself.

Chuck Gaidica:
And explain that idea with the senses. So I should focus on something that I'm seeing that's a beautiful thing in my house, or I'm smelling lilacs in the spring. I'm focusing on something that's influencing my senses?

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
So you can name something that you see. So if I was to do it now, I would say, "I see a chrome lamp. I hear my dogs barking. I taste the mint that I had before. I smell diffuser, and I can feel the texture of the chair underneath me." And then when you take time to do that, it just strikes you, your mind isn't as great as multitasking as you might think it is. So when you do things like that, it takes you out of the situation. Another thing that I do, I'll say the alphabet backwards, because it's harder than you might think.

Chuck Gaidica:
Wow.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
So yeah, when you're trying to remember ZYXWVUT, and I could go on, but it's impossible to really worry about things when you're trying to complete that exercise.

Chuck Gaidica:
Well, that's interesting because to me, that would seem, I'm relating to that. I've never read the alphabet in my head backwards, but I'm doing a word puzzle or when I first wake up in the morning, so I'm detaching. I'm really just into getting that thing done. And I never was into these things until maybe a year ago, and I'm hooked. And I keep wondering why? I like Scrabble and other games that play board games, but this is different. And I think you've hit on why it's different for me too. I'm detaching from the things around me. There's quiet and I'm focused on just that one task. That's interesting.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
You could take a short walk, get in nature, just to notice the things around you. You can take a short walk, get in nature, and notice the five senses too, especially outside. I think that it's very easy to do. Take a bath, you can read as you mentioned, so if you're anxious, it's hard to read. But sometimes doing that can really reset you along with meditation. Meditation can be hard. You have to practice it, so it's not something that you should feel bad if you can't just jump right into, especially if you're trying to jump right into it when you're anxious. Because it's difficult even when you're calm, if you don't have enough practice. So sometimes these other little tricks, a mini nap, looking at funny content, funny memes or short clips.

Chuck Gaidica:
So those can all be distractions. And I think what's interesting to me too is I wonder, do we wait until this becomes a crisis moment, or is this a practice that maybe on average we should be incorporating into our day at various times so that it's not the world has crashed or the dogs are barking, that we literally are just finding daily a way to exercise that muscle.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
And take time for yourself. Yeah.

Chuck Gaidica:
Yeah. Is that an important thing?

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Yeah. It's taking time for yourself to have those moments. When I think a time-out, I'm taking a time-out because there's a situation, but when I think of taking time for myself, that's usually a different thing for me. I think that self-care is part of that, and if you reward yourself with five minutes after some meeting, then that's a good thing too. It doesn't have to be when you're stressed, it can be just a scheduled thing, even if it's just you pace for a little bit after or distract yourself in some other way.

Chuck Gaidica:
It seems to me too, in this world, when you use the phrase or the word caregiver, that tends to imply maybe taking care of senior parents or something, which is happening more and more as the country is aging, but caregiving is also for your own children or grandchildren. And it just seems to me that it's important that as caregivers, wherever you are in that spectrum, that you really offer yourself some self-care because you can really just get on a track where all you're doing is giving and giving, and then it does become a bit of a crisis, right?

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Yeah, exactly. And I think you have to communicate what you're doing well too, as well, basically, because otherwise, people might just think that you're walking away from the situation. So if you're going to take a time-out, you can announce it. I'm taking a time-out. So the people around you might not feel confused or abandoned if it's a loved one. You can set a timer, five minutes minimum, 15 to 30 is preferred, and you let somebody know that you're going to be unavailable for 15 minutes and then just do it. Even if you feel better at minute 10, but you set yourself up for 15, take the full 15, and so that reinforces the boundary that you set with your loved one and yourself.

Chuck Gaidica:
That's interesting, that whole idea of communicating, because I could see, unless you're in a critical situation where it's hard to leave someone who needs your assistance at all times while you're there, but if you're in a position where you can do that, letting your spouse know or your kids know, or if you're in a work situation that you're unplugging for a minute, it's a great idea to communicate that because you're right, people could look at you like, "What are you up to? What is going on?"

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Right. You just took off. You disappeared.

Chuck Gaidica:
So you've given us some practical steps as individuals that we can take to incorporate these adult timeouts or pauses. What else would you talk about in terms of routines maybe for optimal health and wellbeing? What other things could we, or should we be incorporating maybe even daily or multiple times?

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
I think that we really need to get away from an idea that taking time for yourself is a selfish thing, because it's not. It helps you function better. So if you're functioning better, you're a better parent, you're a better employee, pretty much everything in your life can be positively affected by that. So to schedule something, to schedule time for yourself. If you enjoy reading, then maybe after the workday is done, you have scheduled, I'm going to read for 30 minutes and I'm going to turn my phone on do not disturb, and all the rest of the things I have to do in the night can wait until I take this time for myself. Or if you're more of a morning person, you wake up and before you start your day, you give yourself 15, 20 minutes to just be and practice whatever techniques work for you as far as embracing the day goes. And that might be gratitude. If I wake up, I'll say the things that I'm grateful for, and it's not usually a big thing. It might be that the sun is shining today.

Chuck Gaidica:
Or even if it's raining, it's just good to see because I just planted flowers. You can find gratitude, you're right, in all different places.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
In all kinds of things.

Chuck Gaidica:
Sure. There's this old analogy, I don't know who first started it, but during a caregiving season with my increasingly aging parents at the time, the analogy that you hear, we all hear on an airline, if the oxygen masks fall from the ceiling, put yours on first because there's no way you can help that kid or somebody next to you if you're not breathing properly. You want to go help them first. And that analogy to caregiving is really interesting. If you don't practice some self-care first, it's hard to take care of those people around you. So for me, that always gave me a bit of a push to know, I do need to take care of myself, because I'm not going to be any good at taking care of anybody else if I don't practice that.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Exactly. Yep.

Chuck Gaidica:
So any other takeaways for our audience as we wrap things up today? A lot of great stuff.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
Yeah. I think just it's good to take pause and take a step back both for your individual health, and it's not something that you have to make an excuse for. And it's also a good tool when things get heated, especially if you have to make a big decision or if you're having a big discussion, it may be a very emotional discussion with a loved one. It's okay to say, "Let's pause on this. Let's re-assess this, and maybe let's reassess this in 24 hours and see how we feel once we're a little bit more rational."

Chuck Gaidica:
Yeah. Good stuff. Well, I know you're looking at this from different directions, behavioral health and from the psychology of it as well. But a lot of really good practical-

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
From a personal standpoint too, like everybody.

Chuck Gaidica:
Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, it's been really great to have you with us. Thanks for all the guidance and the wisdom today, doctor.

Dr. Kristyn Gregory:
You're welcome.

Chuck Gaidica:
Yeah. Good to see you. With us today, Medical Director of Behavioral Health for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan. Dr. Kristyn Gregory. Always great to talk to her. And thank you for listening to A Healthier Michigan podcast. It's brought to you by Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan. If you want to know more about the show, you can go online. You can check us out to the refresh website, ahealthiermichigan.org slash podcast, or you can leave us a review or rating on Apple Podcast or Spotify. You can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, and you can get all of our new episodes. This is what? 162. You can get all the old episodes as well. Carry them with you on your smartphone or tablet. Be sure to subscribe to us. Hit that button on Apple Podcast, Spotify or your favorite podcast app. I'm Chuck Gaidica. Stay well.

A Healthier Michigan is sponsored by Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, a nonprofit, independent licensee of the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association.
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